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The journey of my family's struggle with a Brain Tumor. Cancer Sucks but the days continue so we must continue on as well... with a fight!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Last Days

I've started this post a thousand times in my head... I just didn't have the energy or emotional strength to write it.

Todd woke up on Saturday acting a bit 'off.' I texted Greg (brother) to make sure he was going to be home most of the day (just in case of emergency) and I also texted Bonnie. I can't really remember today why he was 'off' but something just wasn't right. All the family came over to visit.

That evening I had a visit with my neighbors who strongly encouraged me to have a 'talk' with Ty. I waited until he was settled and I asked if he knew what was going on... He said he knew daddy was 'slipping' and I asked what that really meant in his head. He was still convinced that Todd was going to be getting better soon. I told him that Daddy was dying.. I didn't know when but that the outlook on his cancer wasn't good. He cried and cried in my arms as this was a pure shock to him... Nothing like telling your child that his father is dying..sheesh! After some time alone, Ty came down to be with us. Todd was already sleeping. We curled up in my bed and watched some tv... He asked if he could sleep on the couch to be closer to us. (remember, we were all 'living' downstairs).  We said some extra special prayers and off to sleep we went.

Right at 4am, I heard something going on with Todd. I turned the light on and I found him vomiting and not able to turn his head... I quickly tried to clear his mouth so he wouldn't choke. I'm pretty sure I went into panic mode. I raised the bed in hopes he wouldn't vomit again but sure enough he did. I started to call Greg, I started to call 911, I started to call whoever... I tell you, I didn't know what to do. I actually called our neighbor/nurse friend Kim because she's a nurse and should know what to do... I remember saying to her 'I think I need you... please hurry.' She was to the house by 4:10 and she was so calm, cool and collected. She tried to talk to Todd and he told her that his head was really hurting but he wasn't ready to go to the hospital. She was gently stroking the top of his head and said 'I really think we need to go...he said OK.' I called 911 and the ambulance came. I say he was still responsive at this time because he told the ambulance that he wanted to go to Tennova on Broadway.  Our family friend, Renee, came and swept a dazed and confused Tyler away....

Kim and I went to the hospital and she stayed with me until things were settled. I waited to 'know' something before sending the family into panic mode. Kim was by Todd's side the entire time making sure he was comfortable. She helped me decipher all the medical lingo and she made me realize that this was possibly 'the end.' The Drs asked if I had all my paperwork in order and I remember looking at Kim and her saying 'it's ok, calm down.'  Todd was now on a nausea drip and morphine. I know he heard us talking because when we asked him a few questions, he would smile. By 5:45am, my parents arrived (told them to wait but they couldn't wait by phone) and Janice our neighbor had brought me sweet tea. :)  All of us just sat around waiting to find out what was next...

I called Bonnie and Ted and told them what was going on and they called Greg... Todd was in a room by 8:30/9am and he was surrounded by all of us yapping. By this point I truly believe that Todd was unresponsive. The rattling in his chest was just starting and the dr's were talking to me about getting him into hospice. So... I was off to making hospice plans. I also ran home to take a shower, eat and bring Tyler back. Ty stayed about an hour and then the Rupekas picked him up for an afternoon of celebrating Mothers Day with their family. By afternoon we had lots of visitors showing their love and support. I kept writing Todd's unresponsiveness to the morphine but I now know he had slipped into a coma. The rattling in his chest was getting a lot worse... I think they call it chain stokes breathing. We are now going on to late afternoon and I forgot a change of clothes. I ran home again, asked Ty if he wanted to come back up and his response was 'is daddy awake?' I said 'no' and he said 'pick me up after school tomorrow and I will come up.' By the time I got back to the hospital, Bonnie told me that the nurse told her that she would be surprised if he made it through the night. WHAT????? Ok breathe...

Everyone left and Amy came to hang out with me. Once she heard that things weren't going well, she made plans to stay the night. I told the nurses that I wanted to be prepared and please don't sugar coat it. She said 'ok.'  I had her take his vitals every 45 mins and she told me the same thing.. it could be tonight or it could go on for days. By 730pm, I had a roomful of my friends and we just gabbed to pass the time. My one friend, Alicia asked if she could pray before she left and I don't remember what she said but I remember crying and thinking to myself how blessed I was to have friends who are there no matter what...remember, it was Mothers Day and they took the time to come be with us. There left was Amy and Lora and I had multiple texts come through checking on Todd. I had 2 texts that came back to back and they said to have the 'it's ok talk' with Todd. I sat there for a second thinking there was no way I could do it and then I thought I needed to do it. I excused the girls and I sat with Todd on the bed... I held his hand and told him everything I have told him in the past. Tyler and I loved him, we were thankful for everything he provided for us, we were thankful for him loving us, we were going to be ok and that it was ok to let go... Not sure what else I said... I know it was the hardest talk I have ever had to say. I kissed and hugged him and then went and cried in the bathroom. This was at 11pm. Nurse came in and said his blood pressure was 67/30 and he was running a temp of 103. She said his body looked like it was modeling-blood moving from body to keep heart pumping.

It was time for Lora to leave. I walked her down to her car and came back up to get ready for bed... Amy and I shuffled around and got half way settled. The nurse came back in and tried to get his blood pressure again...there was none. I looked at Amy and nurse and he said 'I believe he just passed'... I sat there for a second in disbelief and started to cry... Amy hugged me and I went and sat by Todd.  I told him again that Ty and I loved him and we would miss him tremendously. This was 11:45pm.

I called Renee Rupeka who had Tyler and told her to bring him up... I needed him to be here before the family got here. My parents and the Bloomfields were next.... Waiting for Tyler to come was the longest 30 min. I waited for him at the elevator and he looked puzzled when he saw me crying. I told him Daddy had died... He had a full breakdown, as expected. I walked with him back to the room where he fell to pieces. He hugged and kissed Todd and told him how much he loved him. He didn't leave his side for the next 3 hours. The Pastors arrived and so did all the family. In the meantime, Tennessee Donor Services called and asked about cornea donation. She explained there were 2 people in the East Tennessee area that would benefit from his corneas... She told me that it helps people with Macular Degeneration and I immediately thought of Todd's good buddy Jay! Yes it took me a few minutes to make that decision but after hearing that I knew it would be a good thing. Family and friends reminded me that even if his eyes aren't perfect they still give HOPE to someone else. Now I wish I knew who received them!

Ty and I took 10 mins after the room cleared out and we said goodbye. I will never forget that moment... I will never forget the look on my sons face... I will never forget walking out of that room.

On Wednesday before Todd died, Amiee Gilleran from Blink by Aimme came by and took our photos. I truly treasure this last family picture and I thank Aimee with all my heart!!!

I will post more later... I still can't adequately thank all that were involved in that day! The love and support that was shown was amazing.

The Clan...

11 comments:

Mary Katherine Roberts said...

You are truly one of the strongest, bravest women I know! I send my love and wish the best for you and Ty as you adjust to a "new normal".

kim Hooks said...

Kim, I truly wish I had known sooner. I cannot imagine what you are going thru, but please keep in mind that God does. You are very strong. Please call if you need anything. kim hooks

Ina Stanaland said...

Kim, The tears do not want to cease after I read your blog tonight. You are one brave, strong and courageous woman, a super Mother, and I am positive you were a wonderful wife. I have come to love you even though we had never met until Wednesday. My heart goes out to "Tyler--as you probably know I was in education for 38 years, first as a teaching assistant, then a classroom teacher, and then in administration. I love working with children--spent most of my career in middle school. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and Tyler. Hugs and Much Love. If I can ever do anything for you please let me know.

Anonymous said...

Kim, I know you do not know me but I grew up with Todd in Fox Fire.My brother was Gregs age and Todd was a year older then me.We were always were playing sports. Greg and I on one team My brother and Todd on another. I lived in Ashville NC two years ago and everytime I drove by The Bloomfeild Dishbarn I thought of those times. I am glad that he found a strong woman.

amanda said...

Kim, I can not begin to comprehend all that you have been through in the last several months. Please know that I have prayed for you and you have continued to be on my heart these last many days. I wish I could hug you and offer you a measure of comfort. I am so sorry. I know those words have probably been said 100 times by now, but I am deeply sorry for your loss. I will continue to pray as you move through this transition into your new normal, whatever that is. I will pray for Ty as he settles in to his new normal too. I will pray that your strength and love and Faith carry you during this time.

Anonymous said...

We have a mutual friend in common who has posted a link to this blog for several months. For some reason, I was drawn to your blog and began reading the journey of your family through this difficult time which deeply touched me. Even though we will never meet, I wanted you to know my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. It always seems that however prepared we think we are for life, things get throw at us. What a source of strength and love you must be for your son.

Blessings to you and your family.

Jenna said...

I have been praying for you for so long now, that just know it has become a habit and You and Ty will be in my prayers daily. The Lord has blessed you Kim with so many Christ like qualities, I know that your beauty will rise from this as a testimony, I can see that it already is.

Kari Hester said...

Dear Kim,

We met at the funeral, although I'm sure you don't remember me considering the circumstances. After I had hugged Ted, Bonnie, and Greg, I got to you and introduced myself. You said, "You're friends with someone...right?" I explained that I had known Ted and Bonnie my whole life, and told you how very sorry I was. You looked at me with a very determined look and said, "We're going to be okay." I replied, "Oh, I've read your blog, and I KNOW you're going to be okay."

After reading your last post, I am more sure than ever that you and your precious son will be okay. Bonnie is one of the strongest women I know, and Todd was surely drawn to you partly because of the strength you have in common with his mother.

I know that I don't know you, but I feel like I do through Bonnie and your blog, and I just have to tell you how incredibly amazed I am by who you are. I don't know if I could have made it through what you have, especially with such grace. May God bless you, Tyler, Bonnie, Ted, Greg, and the rest of your family in tremendous ways.

If you EVER need a new friend, a favor, or anything else, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Kari Hester

kari@irvinetraining.net

Jeanette Wilson said...

Kim I am soo sorry!! I have been keeping up with you via Dawn. You are a amazing person. You handled everything with such grace and diginty. I'm so glad I know you. If you need me for ANYTHING please let me know! You and your family are in my prayers. Jeanette

Amanda Donehew said...

I work with your sister-in-law, Ashley and found your blog through her. Your family's story has touched me so much, as I lost my father to cancer when I was 16. He only lived a little over a year after being diagnosed. I just wanted to tell you that I have prayed for your family, especially your son. I don't believe you ever get over losing a parent at a young age, there always seems to be a piece missing. Just reading about how much you kept Tyler involved in this whole process brings me chills. You are both very brave souls!

I lift you & Tyler up in His sweet name. Keep staying strong and remember the good times! God bless.

Anonymous said...

Kim, I used to work with Todd at VF (I worked in Pennsylvania). He was one of my favorite people to talk to. I remember when this all began. I left VF and I knew he received treatments and last I heard he was doing well. I had no idea all of this was going on until an old co-worker from VF e-mailed me the sad news. I was completely shocked and my heart is still heavy thinking about it. I have been sitting here for the last few hours reading this blog and I can't believe how strong you and your son are. He always talked about you and Tyler, and now I can see why he thought you two were the best. Your family is in my thoughts.